Remember me?

Apologies for the huge delay in writing - busier these days than I was during the summer. I've been feeling really impatient recently with it - not losing enough or quickly enough but I just looked back at some old blogs - I was down 24 kilos or 52 pounds on the 18th of September - today it's the 2nd of November - so just over six weeks later and I'm down 32 kilos as of this morning which is 70 pounds or 5 stone!
That's eight kilos in six weeks - I don't know what I'm getting so impatient about!!
Possibly it's because I bought a pair of skinny jeans three weeks ago in a size 16 which is my big goal. They did fit but were too tight so I couldn't really wear them. Now, three weeks on, they're looser around the bottom and waist but still way too tight around my calves - I can't really sit in them! Maybe that's why I've been getting disheartened - my legs aren't shrinking at all despite doing pilates twice a week and aqua aerobics once.
Also, I have some pairs of size 16 jeans that I used to fit into about 6 years ago and I still can't get them on, even though my size 18 jeans, which were too tight a month ago are now baggy and unattractive on me.
I think I'm just a bit fed up of not fitting into nice clothes yet - I've lost so much and I'm so close to my goal of being a size 16 but it's taking ages to do this final step. I'm easily a size 16 on top - even size 14s fit me but it's my stupid stumpy legs that are slowing things down on the jeans front.

In other news - John and I have been going out loads the last few weeks - big night of drinking every weekend. I've been keeping to the ADF routine fairly well but it's still not good. Last weekend, we went out the Friday night and I got a McDonald's on the way home, then had to work on Saturday so, since I was dying and wrecked, I ate all around me. I did fast on Sunday but on Monday we went for lunch at my parents' house and I just ate everything I wanted again, which resulted in a day of 3000 calories!

Felt awful after that, plus I caught a cold, so fasted on Tuesday and then had two half days of 750 calories on Wednesday and Thursday. Feasted yesterday but stopped at 1300 calories. Thought a week of low calories, lots of soup, and no sugar or bread might do me good. And it does seem to have if the scales are anything to go by!

Back to normal today anyway and I think I've managed to avoid a night out - John and I are going to the cinema. It'll be tough - I'll have to smell his popcorn but I think some time away from alcohol would be a good idea!

Muscle Pain - Everywhere...

Poor me - in the last five weeks or so I think I've been in pain every single day. Nice post-workout pain but still.

Went to Aqua Aerobics last night and my calves are KILLING me today. Going to Pilates later though so that should loosen things up again.

Aqua Aerobics was really fun actually. Very active - lots of jumping - but because it was it the water it was totally manageable. I got warm and puffed but I wasn't dying like I would have been on dry land. I looked it up and apparently it is good as a cardio workout - your heartbeat stays lower because being in the water keeps your body cooler but it's still good. So that's going to be my cardio workout from now on. And on Thursday week, my friend and I are going to try Aqua Zumba. It's on a couple of hours before Pilates, so I'll have to run from one to the other and possibly collapse of exhaustion in Pilates but I'll try it anyway.

Got loads more compliments in work about my weight loss - went in wearing the slightly-too-tight jeans instead of my usual too-big jeans and the lack of baggy clothing seems to have highlighted my weight loss. I also measured myself the other day - I've gone down another inch from my waist, hips and back. Not from my thighs or arms which I thought odd considering the exercises I'm doing focus a lot on those two areas! I wish my legs would go down faster - I still have tree-trunk legs. Unfortunately I think I've inherited the stumpy shape from my grandmother but still - a slim stump is possible but is taking ages. My legs are always the slowest to lose weight from. It makes buying jeans still very touch-and-go.

Eating-wise I'm doing quite well. I fasted on Sunday morning until we went for lunch at my parents'. I had about 1400 calories in that meal alone - chicken, roast potatoes, spinach and a cream sauce. And then cheese and tiramisu. I had a small dinner of wholewheat noodles and 40g of grated cheese for dinner and that was it. So my day came to about 1900 calories.
Made lasagne yesterday but as it was a fast day I could only have a tiny portion and lots of salad.
I'm at about 1600 calories today - had lettuce, a tomato, two slices of ham, a bit of mayonnaise and a slice of brown bread for my breakfast. Two eggs and two slices of soda bread for lunch. And then lasagne and salad for dinner. However, we're minding a friend's dog for a week so he brought over cakes and chocolate to say thanks - I didn't have much - just a taste but it still came to about 400 calories for that.

The Wii Fit thing was a bust - it's broken. I'm going to take it to get repaired but until then I can't do it which is a pity. Was really looking forward to it.

Right, I'd better go get ready for my Pilates class. It's rainy and dark and cold here. Not the most inspiring weather...

Nice Surprise

Well I still haven't lost any more weight - so I've been at this weight now for just over a week.
Was getting a bit frustrated and was telling a friend at work - she mentioned that now I'm exercising - possibly I'm finally getting some muscle which weighs quite a bit. I kind of pooh-poohed that, as I'm not really killing myself with the exercise and Pilates is a lot of stretching and toning - I'm not doing weights or anything.

However, this afternoon I tried on a pair of jeans that were too tight to wear comfortably last weekend and they fit better - so much better that I'm now wearing them. They're still a little too tight but still.
Also, the test pair of jeans that I have lined up - an old pair that are a size down from where I am now - fit! Very tightly - there's no way I could actually wear them yet - they squish around my belly and my bottom is a little too "defined" in them but it's a big improvement from when they only went up to my knees a month ago!
So, my reasoning is that even if I haven't lost much weight recently - maybe my friend is right and it is because I'm gaining muscle and the fat is still dropping off.

It's very exciting because to be at the next size down is my goal for the end of November and I'm nearly there! Another few kilos and I'll fit into them comfortably and then I can go shopping!

I've been really good all week - fasted on Monday, had a very light feast day on Tuesday of 1000 calories, fasted on Wednesday, had another light feast day of 1500 calories yesterday and fasted today. Tomorrow is a feast day but we're going for lunch at my parents' on Sunday. As I want to be able to eat normally then, I'm going to do a half-feast day tomorrow - 1000 calories again or so. And then Sunday I'll have a good feed. Normally, if there was some sort of occasion after a feast day, I'd just have two feast days in a row, but I really don't want a repeat of last weekend.

I wish I could see some movement on the scales though - I get very impatient when it hasn't moved in a while.

The voucher I got for four yoga classes finishes on Wednesday. I really liked it but I can't afford to keep going. I remembered though that my sister has the Wii Fit and it has a yoga instructor on it. So I'm going to collect it tomorrow and then I can start doing some yoga at home. I figure that if I do it maybe twice a week, with Pilates twice a week and Aqua Aerobics once, I'll be doing fairly well!

I'm even thinking of asking for a gym membership for my birthday in November... what has happened to me???

Yo-Yo-Ing

Well I'm annoyed with my body.
Friday was a feast day, so I feasted. Had about 1900 calories. We then made plans to go out on Saturday, so I decided to do a double feast day, as I needed soakage and the alcohol would ruin a fast day anyway. I intended to fast on Sunday but was tired and feeling eatey so I ate. Very badly I must say - we got a McDonald's AND a pizza. But, I wasn't too worried - figured it would do for my kick-start plan.
However, when I weighed myself on Monday morning, I had gone up FOUR kilos, or NINE pounds!! I freaked! I figured that if I fasted on Monday and drank loads of water, it would come down quickly again. I hoped that it was mainly water retention. So I fasted on Monday, yesterday I had a half feast day - I only ate 1000 calories - and today I'm fasting again. I weighed myself this morning though and I'm still about a kilo, or two pounds over the weight I was before the weekend.

I just don't understand it - I mean, I know I ate badly but still - four kilos in three days?? That seems excessive.
Now I find myself worrying that when I've finally reached my goal weight I'll just put weight back on really quickly if I'm eating about 1800 calories a day.
I'm annoyed. I wouldn't have minded if I'd gained a kilo after the weekend, but four just seems unreasonable.
Am I right to worry? I don't know. I wish I knew a doctor or nutritonist.

Getting Stronger!

Just back from my second Yoga class - way better. I really enjoyed it this time - was able to do the exercises better - noticed some improvement in my arm strength and the instructor never has to correct me - I can see how Pilates is helping in doing some of the positions.

I went to Zumba again on Monday and I really didn't like it. The music was very clubby - instead of Latin - and I just was bored. I don't know - maybe I just don't like jumping around - whereas I do like stretching because I can feel it in my muscles and it feels good. Going to Aqua Aerobics next Monday anyway so I might prefer that.

Went to Pilates on Tuesday and I'm beginning to notice a huge improvement. I have so much more strength in my core muscles - I can sit up now from a lying down position instead of having to roll or push myself up. Managed to keep my legs in the air a bit longer too though there's still a lot of room for improvement! I love it so much though - always disappointed when the 45 minutes are over.

So weight-wise, I'm down 24 kilos, or 52 pounds, now - even after feast days. I've been down 25, or 55 pounds, after some fast days but it hasn't stuck yet. I had been having big feast days - 2200 calories or so - so today I had a feast day of 1600 calories to see if it moves things a bit.

Nearly halfway to my next goal - of being down 35 kilos, or 77 pounds, by the end of November. Hope I make it! Things have really slowed down recently. I may need to have another couple of feast days in a row - I always lose weight quickly a week or so after it and it's been a month already since I last did it.

So Pilates again tomorrow night and then that's it for the weekend. I'm going to do some Yoga stretches at home to try to strengthen up a bit more - I'm becoming obsessed! My calves were KILLING me today after Pilates last night - going downstairs was a bit unsteady!

Oh yes, I finally took some more photos of myself in my underwear - first time was in July after having lost a lot of weight already. I hadn't seen any difference since then and it was really bothering me but I can finally see some change. I showed John too and he said he could definitely see it. My waist has gone in, my back is nearly bump-free and I think my legs look a bit leaner. But I'm not sure - that may have been the light. I'm not quite ready for a dramatic before-and-after unveiling, but it is encouraging.

Sometimes wish that weight-loss was faster though! I could go to the gym and run every day but... I really hate that...

A New Me

I am a different person - not in appearance but in lifestyle - I am going to gym classes four times a week (and spending a fortune!) Since I last wrote, (which was nine days ago - oops) I have been going to Pilates twice a week, and Yoga and Zumba once a week.

I love Pilates - the instructor is lovely and I really enjoy the exercises, although my muscles are weak and I can't do a lot of them properly. Even keeping my legs in the air when on my back is tough after a minute. I'm already seeing an improvement though - I can stretch further in some positions and the pain in my hips during some exercises is almost gone.

I went to Zumba last Monday week and it was good but I didn't love it. I had trouble keeping up with a lot of the steps. I suppose that comes with practice though. So last Monday, my friend and I decided to go to Aqua Aerobics instead. However, we got there to find that there'd been a mistake and it wasn't starting for two weeks. So we went for a swim - more chat, less swim - and I'll go to Zumba next Monday and then Aqua Aerobics the week after. I would just like one cardio class in the week. Pilates does get me hot but it's not really cardio.

Today, I was looking on Living Social - those cheap voucher websites, and I saw one for four Yoga classes. So I got that and tonight was the first night. It was good - like a calmer Pilates - but I didn't like it as much. Maybe it was the instructor, maybe it was the class dynamic, or maybe the fact that I felt more awkward about not being able to do some positions than I do in Pilates. I don't know. I have three classes left, one a week, so I'll go and see how I feel after.

In terms of eating, I've been good. However, my last few feast days have been quite high - hitting 2100 calories each time and sometimes a bit over. I have lost another kilo but it's fluctuating wildly. After a fast day I'm down, but after a feast day I'm up about two. I don't really count a kilo as being gone until it's still gone after a feast day. I have tightened my belt by another notch though which is encouraging.

Maybe my weight is fluctuating due to my new muscles...! Hmm...

On A Roll!

Well, it's been a great couple of days - I've lost another kilo - which makes it 23 kilos or nearly 51 pounds. It's exciting when the weight drops off quickly over a few days - makes up for the couple of weeks of nothing. I measured myself too and I've lost an inch from everywhere since the last time I measured myself - which was about six kilos ago. So overall, I've lost five inches from my waist, and four inches from my hips, each thigh, each arm, and my chest - though in that case it seems to have come off my back as my bras still fill the same way as before! It's great - I finally have a mostly flat back - the little rolls of fat are gone. I can wear tops now that before clung a bit and showed off the lumps - so I'd cover up with a cardigan. Now those tops are loose around the back.

I haven't been doing anything different - I think it may be the three days of feasting that I did recently. I also have been eating a bit more on my feast days in general - going from about 1600 calories to about 1900. Maybe that's having an effect - I may have slowed down my metabolism by having 1600 calories one day and then 500 the next. Probably not enough.

I had a feast day on Friday, and then was meeting some friends in town on Saturday night. Since I knew I'd drink, and ruin a fast, I decided to let Saturday be a feast day too and then fasted yesterday instead.
John is going to see his parents in Galway on Wednesday and he'll be gone till Friday. I'm so tempted to get a takeaway on Thursday night - Chinese or Indian - both of which I enjoy from time to time but which John doesn't like at all - so I never eat it. Thursday is supposed to be a fast day so I might have two feast days in a row. I don't know though - I have Pilates on Thursday night and having a big meal before that is not the best idea... Hmmm... what to do....?

Zumba tonight - kind of wish I wasn't going - I'm tired after the weekend and a cosy night in would suit me nicely. But I've paid, so I'll go. I am looking forward to how I'll feel afterwards - on a high and really pleased with myself. I put it into My Fitness Pal and it said that 45 minutes of Zumba was 640 calories!! I really don't know if I'm going to burn that much - that might be for people with slightly more stamina than I! So although My Fitness Pal is telling me that I can eat 2300 calories today - I'm stopping at 2000. Don't want to ruin the extra calorie burning effects of exercise!

I Amaze Myself...

So - it's been a while. Back at work and things are busy. The last time I wrote, I had just finished a kick-start experiment - eating about 1800 calories or so for three days in a row to try to get over my plateau. Nothing happened for a few days, in fact, when I weighed myself right after my three days, I had gained a kilo which I was furious about - considering my calories had still been low enough. However, that kilo went within a day or so and in the last four days I've lost another two kilos - at last! That's 22 kilos now, or 49 pounds. Another mountain left to go but at least now I just look overweight, instead of looking waddly. Eight kilos to go until my next goal weight at the end of November. I should make it - I hope.

I have great hopes that things will begin to move a bit faster though because... I've started going to the gym!!!! Well, I've been to one class. But I'm booked in for three more this week - and since I had to pay in advance, chances are good I'll go. I went to Pilates on Thursday night, and I'm booked in for Zumba on Monday night, and more Pilates on Tuesday and Thursday. It's €8 a go, which isn't the cheapest but it's not too bad either. There's no point getting a membership yet - I do know myself very well after all. If I'm still going in a month, I might join.

I don't know what suddenly persuaded me. I do prefer classes to going for walks but normally I can't be bothered to actually drive to a class. But I was reading on Wednesday night and just suddenly a longing to be slim and toned came into my mind - so I rang and booked straight away. Possibly it's motivated by the fact that people keep congratulating me at work but my weight loss has slowed down - I want it to start up again so that I keep hearing nice things! Also, my "Before" picture, that I took back in mid-July shows no difference to how I look now. Apart from possibly less fat on my back. Quite disappointing really. Another motivator is that I found a load of clothes from about six years ago when I'd lost another pile of weight and there are a pair of jeans that are a size down from now and only go up as far as my knees. So I have a new test pair. My previous test pair are on me as I type, and from fitting halfway up my hips, they now have to be belted on.

So - hopefully a new dawn has arisen. I'm hoping that after a while, I'll start to love these classes. All the people who post amazing "before and after" photos on Tumblr say how they lost weight through dieting and exercising - and they all seem to love exercising now. I'm really hoping I'll get into it too.
I did enjoy Pilates on Thursday - it was tough - at one point I thought my hip was actually going to break off - but I felt really good when I came home and all day yesterday too. I'm in agony though - my muscles are killing me. I can't lift my arms very well - even typing now is hurting them! But it's a nice pain - I like knowing that I actually worked some muscles for once.

Hopefully some of the flabbier bits will start to become less wobbly within the next couple of months!

Rewards

So had my first day back at work with all the staff back and it was great - so many people commented on how much weight I'd lost and I got wolf-whistled at and all!

It was a great feeling and gave me an extra push to keep going, which I think I've maybe been needing recently, what with things slowing down and all.

Today was my last day of my kickstart experiment - I ate about 2000 calories today and I have to say that I'll be glad to get back to fasting tomorrow. I feel bloated and sluggish. It's my fault - I could have upped my calories on potatoes and pasta instead of cheese - but anyway. At least the fast tomorrow will feel good. And hopefully I'll see some movement on the scales in the next few days.

Even if I don't, I'm just going to keep going as normal now for a few weeks - no more experiments. I can't plateau forever - I'll have to lose weight at some point!

I'm pleased at how I feel tonight - I was worried that three days of feasting would make me slip out of it a bit - I mean, today, at work, I had two biscuits at the morning break and I did get a moment of worry at one point, thinking, "Oh no, am I slipping back into my 'pick at everything' habits but I don't think so. I stopped at two without too much temptation, whereas last year I'd easily have polished off about four or five. But tonight, as I said, I'm actually looking forward to fasting tomorrow. Feels cleansing.

Shift Please...

I am experimenting again.

I took 3 photos of myself in my underwear about five weeks ago. I compared myself with them last night, and while there is some difference, it's minimal. I had to really look carefully to find anything. I'm a bit annoyed by this, as well as the fact that I haven't really lost weight in about two weeks - I've been hovering on going down one kilo recently but it's not certain enough to please me. So I'm having three feast days in a row, to try and kickstart things again.
As I've said before, I should be eating 2200 calories on feast days, but I usually eat about 1700 or so. I genuinely find it difficult to go above this - I don't want to eat lots of junk all the time to make it, or have huge portions, as I am trying to form better eating habits. However, I wonder if maybe the huge slowdown in weight loss is due to this - my metabolism slowing down maybe?

So yesterday I had a feast day, and today and tomorrow too. Now, I'm not too happy with myself, because yesterday I had pizza and quite a bit of cheese, and today I had even more cheese and some crisps. I haven't gone above 1800 calories either day but I know that saturated fat is not the way to be going either. Tomorrow is the staff lunch - first day back at work after the summer - and there'll be salads but also cake - all of which I intend to eat. So tomorrow night I'm going to have lots of vegetables - I'm worrying a bit for my insides. I'm also worrying that all this saturated fat will mean a rise on the scales in the morning...
Hopefully then, once I start fasting again, I should lose a bit more weight. That seems to have triggered weight loss the last time I did this.

The reason I'm so impatient at the moment is that I'm bordering on going down the next dress size, and I really need new jeans for work but I want to fit into them comfortably, instead of squeezing myself in, when I go to buy them.

However, aside from all the moaning, I just spent a very enjoyable hour. I tried on all my clothes that haven't fit me in three years and they nearly all fit now, apart from a couple of tops that fit but still look a bit tight. So my wardrobe has tripled which is great!

I can't wait to go back to work tomorrow - I'd better get lots of comments on my weight loss!

Sleep The Fast Away

Fasted all day Saturday with surprising ease in the end. I had a bowl of butternut squash soup that I had made, for breakfast, to ease the hunger pangs, and then didn't eat until seven o'clock that evening. I had more soup and three rice-cakes with an avocado. That brought me to about 470 calories, so as a treat, I decided to use up the rest of my calories on some of the chocolates I'd bought for Friday night - the Maltesers specifically. Weighed them out and calculated the calories - I was allowed three! Seven grams of Maltesers is about 35 calories - three Maltesers weigh seven grams. That is ridiculous! When I think of the amount I used to eat without a thought before... Ugh - I feel slightly sick and ashamed.

John went out Saturday night with people from work and came home about three o'clock in the morning. I woke up and got up - he decided to have a couple more beers so I stayed up with him, chatting and listening to music - we made it to bed about two o'clock on Sunday afternoon. I was very good though - just had two cans of Diet Coke, and didn't eat anything. Even though technically I was into a feast day by the morning and could have eaten. We went to bed and slept for a few hours. We were due at my parents' for dinner at half-six so I dragged an unwilling John out of bed and we went. Had some crisps, goat's cheese on honeyed toast with salad, and my mum had made the exact same salmon meal that I had made on Friday night! I also had three glasses of Cremant - so all in all, the meal came to about 1600 calories.

I must say, it seems like a bit of a waste of a feast day - to sleep it away and only have one meal - but on the other hand, fasting before a big meal is ideal really, as it kept my calories down. Sleeping is really handy sometimes - fast days where I sleep in and don't wake until late morning are great - dinner never seems so far away.

I'm back at work on Thursday - big staff lunch organised so luckily it happens to be a feast day. It'll be interesting to see how ADF fits into my working life. I suspect that working will make it much easier - as I've said before - if I'm busy, I don't feel hungry, or at least, I don't dwell on the hunger on fast days.

Oh yes, I'm also down another kilo! It's been hovering for the last couple of days - I've been down after fast days, and back up after feast days, but today is the first day it's down after a feast day. This always happens - I lose a kilo but it doesn't stay properly down for four or five days - I guess that's why you're only supposed to weigh yourself once a week... So that's 20 kilos gone now - or 44 pounds.
Went through my old clothes the other day - I was going to have to go buy new jeans before work as all my nice jeans are way too baggy on me now but I found two pairs that fit me about three years ago when I was a size smaller, and fit me again now! Great feeling - fitting into old clothes. Plus it saves me money. So now I need to concentrate on going down another size by the end of November. My dream (which might sound silly) is to be able to wear a denim skirt, with tights and boots by winter. It's a look I love and have never been able to wear due to my tree-trunk legs.

Surrounded By Temptation

I've been good all week, keeping to my calorie limits. Had two friends over for dinner last night, so I had an avocado and three rice cakes for breakfast and then I fasted the rest of the day in anticipation. As it turned out, I didn't actually eat too terribly. I had about 1900 calories for the day. We had tortillas with guacamole for starter, but I didn't eat too much. Then I had made hot-smoked salmon darnes, with mashed potato, red pepper ratatouille, and a cream and mustard sauce. For dessert, we had lime and ginger cheesecake. And a few glasses of wine throughout. Fairly rich meal, considering my breakfast was only about 300 calories!

Fasting today and it's going to be a tough one. I have that eatey feeling I get after eating rich food the day before - stomach feels all rumbly and empty. I also got up really early, despite it being a Saturday - John is working overtime and got up at seven. I was awake so decided to get up too. But now  a big long day of being alone and no eating is stretching in front of me. Plus he has a work night out tonight so I'll be alone all evening too. Perfect day to pig out - especially since it's raining and I'm surrounded by lots of lovely leftovers from last night - as well as all the extras I had bought in case people were extra hungry - cheese and crisps and chocolate... But no - the memory of last week's pig out is still fresh in my mind, and I don't want to feel like that again. Also, we're going for dinner to my parent's tomorrow so today has to be a fast day.

Pity it's so dismal outside - it's always easier to eat less when it's sunny I find.

And On Again...

Back on track which feels good. Had a feast day of 1600 calories yesterday - 4 rice cakes with 30g of pate for breakfast, two soft-boiled eggs with a small roll for lunch, and pasta with a red pepper, chicken and goat's cheese sauce for dinner.
Fast day today - vegetable soup with a pitta bread for dinner later and a square of 70% dark chocolate for dessert. That'll be 481 calories. Can't wait - I'm starving! Had a busy day though which is always good for keeping my mind off eating.

Meeting my dad for lunch tomorrow - I always get the chicken liver pate plate when I go for lunch with him - it's quite small so only comes to about 370 calories - it's always harder to work out calories in restaurants. Can't exactly start weighing the pate at the table!
I did the weekly shop today and I bought a delicious-looking pizza for our dinner tomorrow night. Goat's cheese, spinach and caramelised onions - mmmmm... We're going to have a half each with some salad - the whole pizza is 1200 calories! To think that I used to think nothing of eating a whole pizza myself for dinner..!

I love this diet though - I would never have bought a pizza before for dinner unless we had been out the night before as I'd have felt guilty. Now, knowing that I can fit half into my calories, and that it's a treat means that I have no guilt about it.

I have friends coming for dinner on Friday night - since it'll be an evening of heavy eating I'm going to fast all day before - even though it's a feast day. Really don't want a repeat of the last day's calories or guilt!

Got a haircut today - who knows - maybe I'll be down another pound tomorrow!!

Guilt Trip

So... the best-laid plans of mice and men... Last night was a disaster. I ate 3400 calories in the whole day. I ate crisps and I also bought chocolate and I absolutely stuffed my face whilst watching a film, with no restraint at all.
Did I feel horrendous after? Yes. Was it worth it? No, not in the slightest. I was eating and feeling guilty as I ate. I also didn't even enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I wasn't savouring every bite. The first few crisps were lovely, yes, but then it got too much but I just didn't stop. Same with the chocolate. By the end, I was eating just to finish.
I had a food hangover then for the rest of the night - felt depressed and guilty and sick. I drank loads of water to try to feel better but it didn't work.
Woke up still feeling horrible and couldn't bear to weigh myself.

So, today was a fast day and I've never been so grateful for one. I ate nothing until six o'clock, although I was starving and starting to feel sick. Just drank pints of water and then finally had a tuna salad for dinner. Came to 430 calories for the day.

Tomorrow's a feast day again but I'll go back to normal and try not to go over 1800 calories.

I wish I hadn't done it but maybe it'll be good in that it'll put me off doing it again. I know I'll forget about this and in another month or so I'll want to do it again but hopefully if I read this it'll remind me that it's a bad idea!!

Also, I think that if I do decide to do this again, I'll do what I did last week when friends came over, and fast for the day. So at least the calorie count shouldn't go so astronomically high.

My poor Fitness Pal app - it didn't know what hit it. The bar for yesterday is all red and threatening. The only thing that is stopping me from completely breaking down is that I was so good for the rest of the week, with four fast days and two other feast days of 1600 calories.

Anyway, that's done - I'm back to normal and hopefully the scales won't get a shock tomorrow.

Dream Life

I woke up today, weighed myself - ANOTHER kilo gone! It must be something in the air. I didn't believe it and reweighed myself, repositioning my feet and all - no, definitely gone. I can't believe it - like I said, I've done nothing different. I wonder if my awful week last week of only two fast days and lots of crisps made this week of proper fasting a bigger shock on my body and kick-started everything again. I don't know but I'm not complaining! I've reached my first goal - three stone gone and just under two weeks till I go back to work!

Anyway, I'm currently having a dilemma. I have become obsessed with Doritos - the spicy ones and have been dreaming of them all week. Every feast day I've been tempted to get a pack but considering they're 1000 calories for a pack, (a big pack but still) I've been putting it off. However, since I've stayed at 1600 calories all week on feast days, I think I might grant myself a cheaty feast day and pig out. I really feel like putting on a film and nibbling, especially since John's working tomorrow night - boredom factor kicking in. I know, boredom eating is wrong but... I have been so good and as a treat... maybe it's ok.

So, my dilemma is this - do I go all out? Eat what I want tomorrow - breakfast, lunch and dinner, which would probably come to about 1800 calories if I let myself go and also have 1000 calories on top of that? Which is nearly 3000 calories in a day...
Or - do I fast until dinner and then just eat one meal and the crisps after? Which would keep things at about 2000 calories?
Or - option three - do I eat normally but promise myself to only eat half the packet - and therefore end up at about 2400 calories or so which isn't hugely over what I should eat on a feast day anyway? The risk with that one is that I won't be able to stop myself and I'll eat all the packet. It would be a good exercise in self-control but I know myself.

What I could do is go for option three and if I break, I'll just have done option one. But if I do that will I be consumed by guilt? My Fitness Pal bar chart will be all red for tomorrow!!
It's a tough one. I just don't really feel like fasting again tomorrow till dinnertime.

I'll have to sleep on it. It's a nice dilemma to have though. I love feast days.

I tried on a pair of jeans earlier - they've been my test jeans since I started my diet. At first they came half-way up my legs, then they came up but wouldn't close, then they closed but felt as though they were cutting my hips in two, and now they close fairly comfortably. Still a little bit squished in them but I could wear them. It's nice to have jeans that fit. My current jeans are way too baggy now - my bottom is all saggy and awful in them but I don't want to buy another pair just yet. I think I probably have gone down a size now but I'm a bit scared in case I try on the next size and they don't fit. So I'll wait another week maybe - try to lose another kilo before I go shopping. I have to buy at least one pair before I go back to work. I also hope that once I have better fitting clothes, that people will start actually noticing that I've lost weight. No one has yet apart from people who know I'm dieting and are looking out for it. My mum says it's because my clothes are the same ones still and even though they're baggy now they hide the progress - I hope she's right. Going back to work will be the test!

Funnily enough, none of my measurements have changed since 3 kilos ago. You would think that it's coming off somewhere, and it's not like I've been building it up in muscle...

So my next goal is to fit comfortably into my test jeans by the time work starts. And my next real goal is to be down another dress size by my birthday, at the end of November. I think I read before that every 10 kilos, or 22 pounds, is a dress size. Obviously that hasn't been the case for me so far, I've lost 19 kilos and am just on the cusp of going down my first dress size but I hope it'll work from now on. So if I could lose another 10 kilos/22 pounds by the end of November - bearing in mind that weight loss usually slows down the closer to your goal that you get - I think that should be manageable. That means losing 0.6 kilos or just over a pound a week.

Hopefully I can do it just following what I'm doing now. If things aren't going too well by October, I may have to consider exercising a bit... Ugh...

Growing Up (And In).

Down another kilo!!! That's two this week - so I've lost 18 kilos or 39 pounds so far! Can't believe it, it's so exciting when another bit just drops off. I haven't done anything differently - my feast day on Tuesday was1575 calories, had a fast day of 480 calories yesterday and back on a feast day today - I'm tempted to buy something nice for later, as John is on the night shift and I'll be alone. But that's probably a habit I should be breaking so maybe not.
One more kilo to go and I'll be at my first goal of three stone! Since I have two more weeks before work starts again it looks as though I might make it.

We went to meet a friend for lunch yesterday - I really wanted a delicious-sounding sandwich - goat's cheese, pesto, rocket and sun-dried tomatoes. But it being a fast day I stuck to the soup - Mexican bean - it was nice but the tomato part of the soup was just tinned tomatoes instead of actual tomato soup which was disappointing.
I was starving by about eight o'clock last night so I had a bowl of courgette soup I'd made - so handy having vegetable soup - kills any hunger pangs and it's about 30 calories for a bowl. My stomach was rumbling by the time I went to bed though - so much so that I couldn't wait this morning and jumped out of bed at about half seven to go have some breakfast - avocados on rice cakes.
Fasting till the evening and then having a dinner is really what works best for me.

I was worried last night - I was properly looking forward to eating today and I was lying in bed planning what I'd have, when I thought that it's probably not good to look forward to food so much, is it?? I mean, I know I was hungry but I always feel disappointed at the end of a feast day and slightly excited at the end of a fast day. I suppose as long as it's not making me binge it's ok. And whilst I always promise myself that I'll get crisps for my feast day, I never actually bother. Once the day comes and I'm able to eat what I want, I just go for the healthier option. I'm also getting fussy with my calories.  I'm at my parents' house now for lunch and I wanted a treat with my coffee. I found a pack of chocolate rice cakes, which I normally would scoff down. However, they're 18 calories each and quite small. I had one and decided that it wasn't nice enough to waste all those calories on. My sister offered me chocolate cake, which I know is delicious, and I didn't really want any. Too many calories.

I wonder is this good or bad. In the ADF book, by James Johnson, he does say not to self-restrict on feast days, as you will get bored faster. However, if I was craving it I would have it. So maybe I'm just finally learning self-control and food no longer holds its death-vice grip on me. I can look forward to it, and thoroughly enjoy it, but I don't need or crave it. I'm growing up! Hurray!

Nearly at Goal Number One!!

Apologies again for the lack of posts - we're currently fostering four puppies and another dog. And we have our own dog. Things are mental here!

So, last week was a bit of a disaster in terms of ADF. I found I'd lost another kilo, or two pounds which was great. Had a feast day last Sunday week. Ate away, intending to fast the next day. Then, my friend is back in Cork, so we decided to meet up on Monday evening. I told her to come for dinner - cue wine, Doritos, chocolate... However, I did fast all day in anticipation of a big dinner so I still only finished the day at 2200. Considering I managed that in one meal, it's pretty impressive. Next day, another friend wanted to call to see the puppies. I told her to come for dinner, and she said she'd bring dessert. So, I fasted again, and only intended eating dinner and a bit of dessert. However, within 10 minutes of her being there, we had decided to go buy more crisps and Doritos. I didn't even bother counting, I just figured that I had ingested another 2200 calories. The next day, Wednesday, I felt guilty and horrible - so when another friend asked to come and see the puppies I didn't invite her for dinner and I made her eat loads of dessert to get rid of it! That day was good enough, I had 600 calories. One hundred of those was by accident - I ate a square of chocolate before remembering that I was already at my 500 calorie limit.

So, on Thursday, John brought me for dinner - I had chicken wings as a starter and then a lovely creamy pasta dish with chicken and sundried tomatoes. Since it was a feast day again, I also allowed myself to eat some more Doritos. So delicious. It's 1000 calories per 200g bag though!! I ate a few more than I should have so that day came to about 1900 calories.
On Friday, I was supposed to fast but a friend wanted to meet us for drinks. So I decided to eat and switch my fast day to Saturday. I easily had about 2200 calories on Friday, what with the drink and the crisps my friend kept buying in the pub.

However, since Saturday, I've been back on track. Saturday was tough - I always want to eat loads after a night out and John was being all hungover and munchy. He had a McDonald's - terrible for you but so so tempting. He also finished all the Doritos, whilst I salivated next to him. However, I held firm and finished the day at 494 calories.

Since then I've been good. My feast days are around 1600 calories and I'm keeping my fast days at 480 calories roughly. I didn't gain any weight in that terrible week of eating which was a nice surprise and yesterday I weighed myself to find another kilo gone! And that was after a feast day, which is very surprising.
So I'm only two kilos away from my goal of losing three stone by the time I go back to work. I only have 16 days left though, so I'm not sure if I'll manage it. I don't really mind if I don't to be honest though, having lost 17 kilos, or 37 pounds is better than I ever expected.

Lauren Kim, at http://tryingadf.blogspot.ie/ told me of a calculator on the ADF official website - http://www.johnsonupdaydowndaydiet.com/html/how-to-do-the-diet.html which tells you how many calories you should eat on your feast and fast days. I'm about right with my fast days but for my feast days he recommends 2200 calories! I usually feel guilty if I eat about 1800! It's tempting but I think that knowing myself, I'd end up using all those extra calories on crisps or other junk. So I'm going to keep at my usual limit but once a week I'll allow myself to go that bit higher without feeling like I cheated afterwards. Or at least I'll try. The "My Fitness Pal" app is very good at making you feel guilty if you go over the calories it recommends. On the bar chart section the bar goes red when you go over your daily intake and it really makes me feel like I've failed! Probably a part of what keeps me on track!

I'm Baaackk!!!

Well, I'm back from France. Had a lovely time in the roasting heat - 33 degrees! Swam loads, ate loads... I followed ADF mostly, although at the end of the week I had a two feast days followed by a half feast day - fast until dinner which was a burger and chips and chocolate cake!
Still though, I gained nothing.
Got back on Tuesday, and I've been pretty careful since then - my feast days have been reaching 1800 maximum. However, I still haven't lost anything and it's been 10 days now so I might step it up a bit and have a feast day of 2200 calories or so on Sunday. Or I could start going for walks but...

The squats died a death when I got to France and I haven't bothered starting again. I might... but then I might not. I think I need to look at more before and after pictures to get motivated!

Going back to work in a month - I work in a school so have the summer off. So I'd like to have lost a bit more by then - I've lost 15 kilos so far - if I could have lost another 4 kilos by then, that would be 3 stone, or 41 pounds. Considering I started at the end of May, just when the school holidays began, I would hope to get lots of nice, confidence-boosting comments from people who haven't seen me in 3 months. "Oh my goodness, you're so slim!" would be a nice one to hear... Although unrealistic!

I must say, my confidence really has soared. Even though I'm still very overweight and my BMI is ridiculous, just knowing that I've lost a good bit and that I'm still on the right path is very uplifting. My skinny French cousins were there some of the days when I went to swim and whilst I did wrap a towel around me until the last possible moment, I did actually swim. Before I'd have pretended that I didn't want to and I'd have sat on a deckchair in my clothes, dying of the heat.

I also, for the first time in years, wore tops with no sleeves and didn't put on a cardigan over! I really couldn't have, considering the heat, but it was the first time I wasn't crippled with self-consciousness. I also wore shorts - even with my tree-stump legs. The thing is, I have been thinner than I am now in the past and even then was too self-conscious to wear these things or to swim in front of people - so my confidence is nothing to do with my weight and everything to do with my mental state - feeling capable and guilt-free.

My intolerance to bread has become very extreme on this diet though. As I said before, I am allergic to yeast but in small moderations it didn't cause me any problems. However, on Monday I had a burger, and my arm was all sore and itchy for two days after. It's gone again now and today I bought gluten-free bread. It does have yeast in it but I'm going to see if I manage to get away with that. I shouldn't be able to, because pasta causes nothing, so it does seem to be yeast and not gluten that's the problem but I'm quite desperate to find something I can have if I feel like toast or a sandwich. I don't know of anything that is yeast-free bar wraps but they're not really what I'm looking for. I thought that pitta breads were yeast-free as they're flat but apparently not...

Right - at the end of another feast day and I have that slight sense of disappointment I always have when the last meal of the day is done - with the thought of  a fast day ahead of me tomorrow. I bought huge mushrooms which I'm going to stuff with garlic and cream cheese tomorrow night for dinner so at least I have something tasty to look forward to!

Another Loss!

Down another kilo! So that's 15 lost now, or 33 pounds. Very happy with myself. My measurements haven't changed at all though in the last while - maybe I'm losing it from my toes or something...

Had a lovely weekend - we spent it all in the garden, with the dogs, in the sun. We didn't go out which was a relief. Didn't want to waste calories on drink.

I had Weetabix for breakfast yesterday, with fat-free milk - 237 calories.

For lunch I had wholegrain noodles, with 15g of pesto and 30g of grated low-fat cheddar.

Then we went to Kinsale to the Arts Festival, to watch "Raj in the Rain" - a film about the Anglo-Irish. It was a bit odd but good. Such a pity, all these old houses falling to ruin because the families can't afford to keep them up. Those days are gone - for good or for bad, but the houses really suffer. Our family house is one of these - a big Georgian house that back in the day had land and a farm making money for it. Now it's in the middle of dozens of housing estates and it's dilapidated to say the least - roof leaking, floorboards breaking, no heating... It's lovely in the summer, but in the winter... You can see your breath in the morning when you wake up, and the window panes freeze on the inside. My dad always moaned about the length of my showers when I was living there, but it was the only way of getting warm! Having said that, John moans about the length of my showers now and we live in a modern house so...

When we got back from Kinsale we had an early dinner - fish in breadcrumbs, mashed potatoes and peas. I also had 50g of crisps and a slice of fruit flan for dessert. So that was 910 calories, and about 1883 calories for the day.

I went to my dad's for lunch - had mushroom soup, four multigrain crackers with white stilton with apricots cheese and four strawberries. With milk in coffee my day's at 503 calories.

I normally eat in the evening on fast days, to not be hungry going to bed, so we'll see how this pans out now, having eaten earlier.

Off to France tomorrow - think I may treat myself to breakfast on the plane. And I've decided to say screw the skinny French cousins - it's hot - I'm going to go swimming.

Super Squats

I think I might have been wrong about the avocados. Because I haven't eaten one in a few days and my eczema flared up again badly on Thursday night after having abated a bit. I wonder is it my yeast intolerance playing out as eczema now? It used to only be cramps but like I said before, if I'm eating less of it, I might become more intolerant to it. I haven't eaten bread since Thursday and my eczema has mostly died down again. I was in the bookshop yesterday though, and I happened to see a tube of hydrocortisone cream lying about, which is good for eczema. I smeared on about half the tube - so maybe it's that. I don't know. I'm going to self-experiment. I'll eat neither bread nor avocados for the next couple of weeks. Then I'll eat bread and see if I get itchy again. If not, I'll try avocados. Blasted eczema whatever's causing it. Especially these days when it's warm and I'm wearing short sleeves...

So had a lovely feast day yesterday. I was good until dinner - had one soft-boiled egg and an orange for breakfast, and soup for lunch. My dad came for dinner so I made a white wine, tomato and cream sauce with salmon fillets, smoked salmon, and pasta. My dad brought nibbles so we had those before dinner -  587 calories alone!!!!!! I'd made a fruit flan for dessert and I had two slices of that. Though to be fair, it was more fruit than flan. So the day came to 1900 calories roughly. Fasting or eating lightly before a big meal is really helpful - means you can let loose and still not end up with a ridiculous amount of calories at the end.

Today was a fast day. I had a bit too much coffee - three cups which is a waste of calories with all the milk I take. But anyway. We had steak for dinner - John had his with roast baby potatoes but I just had some lettuce with a bit of balsamic vinegar. I had a square of dark chocolate for dessert too. That all came to 506 calories for the day.

I was worried about my iron intake - according to "My Fitness Pal", I only ever get about 10% of my recommended iron intake, at most, every day. But I was all confident about it today, after my steak, and it said the steak's iron content was N/A!! Which is obviously ridiculous. I had 200g of steak, which should be about 40% of my RDA. So I've decided to stop worrying about my iron. It's probably higher than I think.

I'm still doing my squats and crunches. John watched me and he said I'm doing them fine. I can already get lower than before - I don't need the bed behind me, or even a chair. My legs are shaky after doing them and it makes my heart pound and I get all sweaty but I still don't have any pain after. I've never done exercises and not had muscle pain the day after - I actually quite like the feeling - makes me feel like I've done well. So I don't know what's going on. Maybe my legs are much more muscled up than I thought... Mmm... Maybe not.

NOOO....

Doom has come upon me. I think I'm allergic to avocados. My eczema is flaring up again, and having thought about it, avocado is the only foodstuff that I've significantly added to my diet in the last two months.

I am really, really, really disappointed. It's so delicious and creamy. So, no more avocados for a while. I'll see if my rash goes down, and if so, I'll guess that's it.

Funnily enough, I googled to see if anyone else had a similar reaction to avocado and a lot of people actually use it to HELP their eczema!

Got up this morning and did my five minutes of exercises. 55 squats and 25 crunches. The squats weren't too bad actually, I did them with the bed behind me and touched it with my bottom every time I squatted. A couple of times I lost my balance and actually sat but I wasn't too bad. I am going to get John to check my form though, because I have a feeling I'm not doing it quite right. It was tiring but I've no pain in my muscles after, and considering that I haven't used those muscles in about a year, there should be something!

Fast day today and I must say; I'm starving! I've had about four pints of water and a cup of coffee to help quench the hunger. I could have had a bowl of soup for lunch but I prefer to keep the fast going until dinnertime. I'll have some more butternut squash soup and bread I think. And maybe a square of dark chocolate. To console me over the loss of the avocado.

My dad's coming for dinner tomorrow - I'm going to make pasta with a smoked salmon and white wine sauce. With cream. Can't wait...

Oh, I finally took some "before" pictures last night. I downloaded an app on my phone which means they're password protected so no one can come across them by accident! So, we'll see. In a couple of months, I may decide to put them up with some "after" photos. Depends on how I look then!

Tentative Exercise...

Feast day today - soft-boiled eggs and soldiers for breakfast, guacamole on white baguette for lunch, (I'm OBSESSED with avocados at the moment) and butternut squash soup for dinner with more baguette. 200g of melon for dessert with a cup of coffee and a square of dark chocolate. 1592 calories for the day. I'm trying to keep it lowish for the next few feast days because I'll probably have a bit more to eat in France - there's a cousin's birthday meal to go to amongst other things.

I was on Tumblr earlier and found this blog - http://beforeandafterfatlosspics.tumblr.com/, which really motivated me. I kind of wish I'd taken a before picture when I started dieting. I could still do it now but to be honest I'm too embarrassed to even have that kind of a picture in existence, let alone on the internet. Worried that someone might see it some day. I wouldn't even want my boyfriend to see it and he sees me naked every day!
However, I did notice that nearly every single person on that blog mentions that they now do lots of exercise. And they look great. Toned and healthy. As I've said before, I HATE exercising. Last year I bought a book called "Run, Fat Bitch, Run" by Ruth Field. It did actually motivate me to get moving, and for five weeks I walked nearly every day, and slowly built up to a jog (which lasted about ten seconds but still). However, at no point did I ever enjoy it. I liked the feeling of getting better at it but I hated every second of that walk - my legs hurt and I was bored, even with good music on my MP3 player. So, I eventually gave up. Ruth Field did mention that running was rarely enjoyable, that it was hard and took discipline. I always have dreams of being one of these people who just goes for a run but... It didn't happen.
Today though, when I looked at those pictures, I did feel a bit envious of that running lifestyle. Added to that is the fact that my belly is terribly flabby and I'm worried that even if I lose all my weight, my skin will still be loose and gross. So I went online and decided to do the 30 Day Squat Challenge, as well as the 30 Day Crunch Challenge.
The squats were a disaster - my muscles are all ridiculously weak and I think I did them wrong. I did read up on how to do them, and watched videos, but I still found that my back hurt and no way was I going parallel to the ground. I'm going to try again tomorrow, using the bed behind me as a mental safety net. As I get better, I'll hopefully progress to a lower chair, and then to nothing at all.
The crunches were fine, they're one exercise I've always enjoyed actually.

My legs are a bit shaky now, and coming downstairs was wobbly but I'm glad I did them. I might get John to watch me tomorrow whilst I do the squats, and see if I'm doing them wrong. It's just a bit embarrassing, considering he lifts 70 kilos in a squat and I have to do them with a bed behind me... I was also hoping not to tell him I was doing anything, to see if he'd notice the difference, but it's more important that I don't throw my back out!

John has said before that even if he hasn't gone for a run in a long time, if he's been doing his squats, he finds that his stamina is still there. I suppose that the muscles stay developed. So I'm kind of thinking that I might try going for a walk with a short run thrown in after the thirty days and see if my fitness has improved.

This all sounds very promising now but this is coming from the person who got John to buy a treadmill and then used it once. It has now been sold again.

We shall see.

Still Jiggling...!

Well. It's been a few days. I had another cheat day this weekend.
Friday was a feast day, which included, amongst other things, chocolate cake, an avocado, two eggs and a white bread roll. Not all at the same time, I hasten to add. That came to 1964 calories altogether.

I had arranged to meet my dad on Saturday at his workplace for lunch - I brought a picnic with me and it looked so good that I decided to have another cheat day, which I didn't even count but guesstimated to be 2000 calories. I had made smoked salmon pate, cheese and ham pastries, tuna salad, devilled eggs and wraps. So lots of carbohydrates and deliciousness. We had leftovers for dinner on Saturday night and I fasted on Sunday, with a tuna salad for dinner, which was 417 calories. I woke up yesterday to find that I'd lost more weight! I have now lost 14 kilos, or 30 pounds! Very happy with myself. I'm also pleased to notice that my belt is about half an inch away from tightening another notch. I actually managed it this morning but found that it was too uncomfortable when sitting down! So maybe tomorrow. My arms have gone down another inch each (although they still jiggle - a lot) and I've lost another inch from each thigh and one from my hips.

I felt a bit guilty yesterday - I was on a feast day and couldn't resist some more of the leftovers from the picnic. I finished off the pate, with a big hunk of bread, and had half a cheese and ham pastry. And this was after dinner - when I wasn't even hungry! As a result, my day came to about 2200 calories which I wasn't too happy about.

So severe fasting today. One coffee for breakfast, and only water for the rest of the day. I'm going to have a protein-filled salad for dinner which should come to 430 calories or so.

Going back to France in a week for the burial of my grandad's ashes. Whilst we're there, we'll be going to see some cousins who have a pool. With the weather being as amazing as it is, it would be silly to pass up the chance for a swim. Even if those cousins are all tanned and skinny. I'm just going to have to be brave.

My dad's coming over for dinner on Friday, (I'm trying to feed him a bit while my mum's away) which is a feast day, luckily. However, we have plans to go out with friends on Saturday night. So Saturday might have to be a cheat day. Although I don't want this becoming a habit. I might fast on Friday until dinnertime, in an effort to limit my calories a bit. And then fast on Saturday, again till dinnertime when I'll have to eat for soakage. The annoying thing is that I don't really like drinking. But I know if I sip on a juice while everyone else is drinking, I'll get bored. And I do want to go out to see them. Hmm...

Will of Steel

I spoiled myself on my feast day yesterday and it felt great!

I had two soft-boiled eggs with soldiers for breakfast. 575 calories.
Lunch was an avocado with some little crusty bruschetta bits, brushed with olive oil and tomato. Divine. And 283 calories which wasn't bad at all.

Then, around five o'clock, I.... wait for it... went for a walk! I walked the dogs for 4.5km. It took about 50 minutes and I wouldn't say it was the most enjoyable part of my day but it wasn't too bad. I have the "Runtastic" app which ties in with "My Fitness Pal". So apparently I added 700 calories to my day by doing that. I think I had said I was jogging though, instead of walking which might explain it. Really doubt that 50 minutes of a fairly leisurely pace burnt half a day's worth of calories...

For dinner, we had roast chicken with roast potatoes and vegetables - 529 calories.
I also had a square of my dark chocolate for dessert with a cup of coffee. So the day came to 1475 calories in total.

Today is a fast and I've had a cup of coffee so far. Having a chicken breast tonight with vegetables and a bit of pesto.
I had the most horrendous baking experience ever. My uncle's coming for coffee tomorrow so I decided to bake a chocolate cake. I bought a new silicone cake tin yesterday, in the shape of a giant cupcake and I couldn't wait to use it. So - made my cake - poured it into the lid part of the mould - it bent and toppled over - all my cake all over the floor. I was RAGING. Once I had calmed down, I made up another batch and figured that if I poured it into the base part first, it might strengthen the whole mould. However, once I poured into the lid part again, same thing happened. So I gave up and decided I'd just have a really big cake. Cooked it - fine - took it out - let it cool - no problems. The recipe said to make the icing and pour it on whilst the cake is still warm and in the mould. So I did - however when I tried to remove the cake from the mould it wouldn't come out and I had to break it into bits. So I had chunks of icing covered chocolate cake piled on a plate and it was a mess.
Finally decided to spoon and smush the cake into little glass ramekins which I did. It looks neat and presentable now. I am disappointed though - I was looking forward to a huge cake.

Anyway, all that to say that apart from the obligatory tasting of bits and pieces, and licking of spoons to make sure it was nice, I didn't have any cake. I will tomorrow obviously but I managed to resist that warm, melty chocolate smell...

 

Ta Dah!

Success

It worked! I lost another kilo yesterday morning and it's still gone today. So that seems to be proof that the odd cheat day works.

Such a relief to see some movement on the scales and also might relax me a bit about feast days.

Yesterday was a feast day. I had a bowl of melon for breakfast - 300g was 106 calories.

For lunch I had a toastie - ham, cheese, bit of mayonnaise and mustard, and tomatoes. With a dessert of mandarin pieces and a quarter of a banana that all came to 340 calories.

In the afternoon, John bought a roast chicken as part of his "bulk up" regime and I picked at that a bit. I counted 100g worth which is 190 calories.

For dinner I had made a Bolognese sauce - I had it with wholegrain noodles instead of pasta but I allowed myself 50g of grated cheese. It came to 650 calories.

With milk for coffee added in, the whole day was 1481 calories. Pretty reasonable. We had planned to go to the cinema and I was looking forward to having some popcorn but in the end we couldn't be bothered. So we're going on Friday night instead. Which luckily, happens to be another feast day so I'll definitely have some then!

Fast today - it's half three and I'm getting hungry. I've had two cups of coffee which is 80 calories of milk. Bit of a waste really - I was allowing myself one cup a day but it smelled so good... Making a proper roast chicken dinner tonight - I'll have some of the meat and the vegetables but no roast potatoes. I'll save that for tomorrow.

I must say, we're saving a fortune on our weekly shopping. I did a shop this morning and it was the first time in a month! I was away for a week in between but still.

I also have noticed that for the first time in my life, I'm being tempted by fruit. I normally avoid fruit - love vegetables but fruit bores me. However, today in the supermarket, I bought strawberries, a melon and apricots and I'm looking forward to them. I've read blogs where people on ADF find that they appreciate the taste of fruit and enjoy them more than before and I always scoffed at them a bit, thinking, "that'll never happen to me". But it kind of is. I think I'm enjoying having a bit of sweetness whilst knowing that it's actually good for me, and not a waste of calories. Having said that, I did buy some 70% dark chocolate today. Going to have one piece on my feast days with a cup of coffee after dinner. Mmmm.....

Looking at the "My FitnessPal" app - my nutrient intake is slowly getting better. My vitamin C intake is high, and my vitamin A and calcium intake is getting better. My iron is consistently low though, I really need to work on that. I was full of confidence last night eating my minced beef Bolognese, thinking, "At last, I'll be stuffed with iron" but no... it's not that high at all. Only 8%.

I may have to start taking supplements. Not ideal but I'm not going to eat red meat or shellfish every day and I am eating a good variety of vegetables already.

Sigh.

Self-Experimentation

Yesterday was supposed to be a fast day. However, since John was going to be working last night too, my dad invited me over for dinner. As a result, I decided to have another feast day. I was hoping really that if I ate freely, and didn't restrict at all, my next fast day might have bigger weight consequences.

So, for breakfast, I had a bowl of soup, and as a big treat, I had a small white roll with some butter and honey. 361 calories.

For lunch I had... wait for it... some more soup, with wensydale and cranberry cheese and multigrain crackers. That's the last of that cheese though so I'll have to come up with a new snack! That came to 229 calories.

For dinner, my dad had bought crisps as nibbles. The pack was 150g so I assumed that I had half that - which came to 379 calories. Crazy! For dinner we had two small chicken and mushroom pies each, 840 calories (I was on a roll) and for dessert we had strawberries. He had his with cream but I had mine with milk and no sugar. The strawberries were 81 calories and the milk was about 300. So that meal came to 1600 calories, and 2190 for the day in total. Which, considering I didn't restrict myself wasn't too bad really, but to be honest, if I didn't have dieting in the back of my mind, lunch would probably have been a toastie which would have driven things way up!

I didn't weigh myself this morning and I fasted all day. Apart from milk in coffee (123 calories) I just had a small dinner there of a tin of tuna, two tomatoes, some lettuce and some light mayonnaise. 336 calories and 456 for the day in total.

That's it now for today so tomorrow morning will be the test. It'll be interesting to see if the odd cheat day like that will kick my body into losing weight again. It had better.

Surely restricting calories should be enough. I mean, even if it's slow, I can't survive on 2100 calories every two days and not lose weight... Surely!!!

Fingers crossed for the morning anyway...!

AAAARRRGGHHH!!

I've been struggling a bit the last few days. I've stuck to the diet but it hasn't been as enjoyable as in previous weeks. I think it stems mainly from my weight barely moving.
I was reading up on weight plateaus online - seems that being consistently under your calorie count can cause it. So I was wondering if I'm eating enough on feast days. But I do get to about 1600 or 1700 calories most feast days. So my body's hardly in starvation mode. Maybe I just need more patience. I mean, I've lost 11 kilos in a month. That's 24 pounds. Obviously, that's really good. It's just that it all flew off at the beginning and it has slowed down a lot in the last two weeks.

So yesterday, for my fast day, I made mushroom soup and had that with my favourite snack of the moment - wenslydale and cranberry cheese with multigrain crackers. That came to 310 calories. We had dinner early as John was on the night shift, so by about ten o'clock I was hungry again. I was going to have more crackers but I held off. I had a two spoonfuls of soup and a big glass of water. It did help.

I was working in the bookshop today. I had a few messages to do so I left home early and ended up with half an hour to spare. Since I'd had no breakfast, I was starving, so went into a restaurant and got breakfast. I'll admit my eye paused on the Irish Breakfast but my extreme lack of funding stepped in there. I did consider a scone but whilst I knew I could have it, I really felt that I should eat something nutritious. So I had a fruit salad served with natural yoghurt, and a coffee. It was really nice and about 149 calories. Whilst the Irish Breakfast, or the scone might have been even nicer, I still would have felt a bit guilty, feast day or not, and I really do need to get more vitamins. My diet is still very high in carbohydrates which don't supply much else.

Lunch was limited, as I was in the shop and a kettle is all we have access to. So I had a powdered mushroom soup and a multigrain demi baguette. 198 calories and lacking in any goodness whatsoever!

For dinner, I made a pork and apple stuffing roast, with carrots, baby potatoes and mushrooms. That came to about 964 calories and I left quite a bit on my plate - which is pretty much unheard of for me. So the day came to 1311 calories in all. I should probably eat something else. I read a blog (can't remember where) about a girl who at 1200 calories reached a weight plateau. She upped her calories to 1700 and started losing again. So, in light of that, I'm going to have a late night snack. I am hungry - it's eleven o'clock and we ate at half five again as John had to go to work. But now I'm tormented by the idea of eating late at night. Arghhh....

As well as following ADF, I'm also trying to break a lifetime of bad habits - snacking in between meals, and late at night, especially when I'm on my own.

What do I do???

Am I? Aren't I?

So, woke up and weighed myself - down a kilo after all. Kind of. The bar was kind of hovering depending on how my feet were placed. But I'm saying it is a kilo to keep myself happy.
I know you shouldn't weigh yourself every day, but it's the most exciting part of my day! (Though John wants me to mention that it comes second to spending time with him... :) ) I've lost another inch from my hips too which is nice but I haven't noticed it in my clothes yet. Everything else has been the same for the last two weeks. Which makes sense as I haven't lost much weight...

Today was a feast day. I was saying yesterday how James B. Johnson, who wrote "The Alternate-Day Diet" warns against counting calories on feast days, in case "diet fatigue" sets in. I was thinking about this, as I've mentioned before that I'm really careful on feast days and count everything, trying not to go above 2000 calories, at most. I've decided not to worry about my way of doing it. If I do really want something, I do feel free to eat it on feast days. The only difference is that I count it and try to take only a bit so that I don't go over my calories. And if that teaches me portion control, it can only be a good thing!

So today I had A LOT of coffee - I'm going to allow myself to do that on feast days and try to abstain or have one cup only on fast days. That was 240 calories.
I didn't feel like breakfast as I got up late. For lunch I finished my vegetable soup and had a bread roll with it. 285 calories.

Dinner was a feast! I had chicken and wholegrain noodles with peanuts, raisins, green peppers and mushrooms, all in a Thai red curry sauce. 597 calories.

I also picked a little throughout the day but counted it. I had half a shortbread biscuit, a TINY bit of chocolate, and as a snack just now I had 33g of wenslydale and cranberry cheese, 4 multigrain crackers and 30g of a fruit tart I made for John. 360 calories in all. So that comes to 1452 calories for the day which I'm very happy about.

I checked my RMR, and it's 1908 calories. I'm going to try to stay below that on feast days if I can. That doesn't allow for any movement at all - even for a sedentary lifestyle - with no exercise and a desk job, it would go up to just over 2000 calories. However, as I'm the laziest person ever, I'm not even going to allow for that much movement. For example, I literally moved from chair to chair today and that was the extent of my exercise.

As I said in a previous post, I had very bad eczema when I was about 12 or 13. My arms, knees and chest were so itchy that I would scratch till they bled, and I ended up with huge scabs everywhere. Sexy. Anyway, at that time my mother took me to get an allergy test done, to see if we could help it. I was allergic to lots of things but the two main ones were sugar and yeast. Sugar is the one that actually caused me to itch everywhere, but I found that, as I got older, it generally didn't cause me any problem as long as I drank a decent amount of water every day. (Perhaps a pity, in terms of weight...) Yeast causes me to get very bloated and have awful stomach cramps, which sometimes double me over. However, as with sugar, as long as I don't eat bread all day long, and drink water, it rarely troubles me. I usually would have about two slices of bread a day, or else a small roll, and that was fine.
All that to say, however, that since starting my diet, nearly four weeks ago, my intake of bread has lessened considerably since it's so calorific. I think that possibly, as a result, I've become more intolerant to it. I had a roll for lunch and I'm really crampy now.
So I'm going to not eat bread for a few days, and then try again in about five or six days maybe. If I get cramps again, I'll know and it'll be bye bye to yeast. I'm crossing my fingers that this is just a fluke cramp because I love my bread!!!

I have also found that I've become much more intolerant to rich food. I get heartburn now much more easily on a feast day. Whilst what I'm eating now is SO much healthier than before I started this diet, I'm still having cheese and pate on feast days and I think my body is not appreciating it as it used to. It doesn't really bother me though. Anything that discourages me from eating fatty foods can only be good!

Stuck

So... Weighed myself yesterday - had gone up one kilo. But since I suspect the two I had lost on Sunday were water retention, I was quite happy. Until I weighed myself this morning - up another kilo. So haven't moved in over a week now. Bit fed up.

I decided to carefully calculate how much that quiche I made was and was horrified to discover that it was 4000! Since I had a quarter on Sunday, a fast day, I had 1000 calories instead of my usual 500. Just shows how off food estimations can be. No more guessing.

Yesterday,  I had a lot of coffee, which means a lot of milk. Fat-free but still. Uses up a lot of precious calories. I had focaccia and guacamole like I'd been promising myself for days for breakfast, which came to 215 calories. I'd had a big pint of water before which helped to fill me up faster.

For lunch I had some mushroom soup, three multigrain crackers and 30g of wenslydale and cranberry cheese. 375 calories.

For dinner, John and I finished the quiche with some salad. So that was another 1000 calories.
I also had half a shortbread biscuit and a piece of chocolate through out the day - 108 calories.

So that came to 1787 calories for the whole day. Which is fine and still under 2000. But since my weight hasn't moved, I feel like I've been overindulging and I can see myself getting hung up on my feast days. Which you're really not supposed to do. I bought the book, "The Alternate-Day Diet: The Original Fasting Diet" by James B. Johnson M.D. and he specifically says not to be too careful on feast days, or it just becomes another diet and you'll get bored of it too.

I don't know. He also says that three weeks seems to be the sticky part. Weight tends to not move and people become lazier about food choices, with calories creeping back up. It's important to be really, really strict about tracking everything that passes your lips, even if it's a quarter of a biscuit. I think on fast days I'm ok, I still am very careful but I can see how on feast days, my total might be 100 or so calories more than I calculate, if I take an (albeit tiny) taste of John's dessert, or forget to count one cup of milky coffee.

So as of today I'm going to make sure EVERYTHING is noted. Today is a fast day, and I made vegetable soup for myself. I'm not going to eat anything until dinnertime, and then I'll have a big bowl of that, which is 114 calories. Maybe I'll have some crackers and cheese - 187 calories, or maybe not. No harm in stopping at 114 calories either.

Just wish I could see some more results - it's exciting and pleasurable to do when things are moving but otherwise... not so much.

Hurray?

Went out last night - had quite a bit to drink but stuck to the vodka and orange juice. Also resisted Salt and Vinegar Pringles that someone brought to the house - big hurdle! So I definitely didn't go over 2000 calories.
Got to bed at ten o'clock this morning... Got up about three, and weighed myself. Two kilos lighter! However, as John pointed out, considering I drank quite a bit and didn't have much water, I'm probably dehydrated and it was water retention. Might have gone back up a bit tomorrow.

Made a quiche for our dinner today - I had about a quarter with some lettuce leaves too - since it's homemade it's hard to guage so I'm just counting it as 500 calories.

I've found today to be tough - really want some chocolate. I came very close to having a chocolate which would only take me 33 calories over the 500 but I didn't. Figured it's silly to eat it when I can just wait until tomorrow.

Tomorrow I'm finally going to have some of that guacamole!

Oh Come On!!

Weighed myself this morning - nothing. Haven't moved at all in the last week. I'm quite disappointed. I mean, I did eat well in France, and even the days where I splurged a bit weren't too bad, considering it was the only meal of the day. My mum thinks it might be the wine - she says that she finds that whilst it's not too bad in calories, it seems to stop her losing weight. Blast.

I have to go out to that birthday tonight and I do want a few drinks. I'm going to have vodka with orange juice, as it should help my stomach not feel too sick but after tonight I'm not drinking again for a couple of weeks. It was very disheartening to have made a big effort all week to find that I haven't moved.
It has been just over three weeks now though since I started dieting - maybe I've reached my first plateau phase. It had better not last too long!

Got up late this morning - John made me two soft-boiled eggs which I had with a pint of water and a cup of coffee. I was stuffed after that so ended up not having any guacamole or anything else. He's making pork medallions with apple compote and mashed potatoes for dinner tonight and once I've eaten and changed we'll be rushing out the door as we're meeting friends early. So in spite of it being a feast day, it sounds like I won't be going overboard too much.

I'll have the guacamole on Monday.

Tomorrow's the Test...

So, back in rainy Ireland.
I was good today. Only had cups of coffee in the airport and on the plane, despite having to wait at the boarding gate for two hours and being right next to a café with pains au chocolat...
I looked longingly at the flight menu and really considered getting a toastie and skipping dinner tonight but I didn't. I resisted, got a coffee, and then had a breast of chicken, steamed peppers and mushrooms and a bit of pesto for dinner tonight. Really relieved that I'm back into it.

However, I weighed myself when I got back and I had gone up five kilos! I was dressed though and after a pint of water as well as all the coffee whilst travelling so tomorrow morning will be the real test. Having said that, I put on a pair of jeans that I haven't fit into in two years and while they only got halfway up my legs last week, they now go all the way up though I still can't close them. So they can be my new test jeans. Losing weight is nice but it's seeing a difference in clothes that really clinches it for me.

Feast day tomorrow and John has barely touched a lot of the food I brought back from Sunday's big dinner. He ate all the healthy salmon but didn't touch the desserts or guacamole. Typical! The desserts are gone mouldy, (the crime!!) so they have to be dumped, (which is probably good for me but still...) but the guacamole looks ok, as do the pieces of focaccia bread. So I totally intend to have some of that tomorrow. Maybe for lunch.

I'm in the bookshop tomorrow afternoon, and then we have to go straight out to that friend's 30th birthday. I'll drink a bit but I never have too much anyway. Tend to get sick after about five drinks. Which is both annoying and good. Stops me from ever drinking too much. It would be nice to get even a bit tipsy sometimes though.

Sunday will be tough. I always want to eat when I'm tired. And John always treats his hangover day as his weekly treat day with pizza and crisps...

Oh the temptation... Wish me luck for my weigh in tomorrow morning!

Uh oh...

Oh no... Today was a fast day and I just lost it. Had only water and soup all day but then we had to go to a friend's house for dinner. I had three (very small) glasses of wine, a slice of quiche, salad and a couple of bits of cheese with a slice of bread. Nothing too bad but way over 500 calories.

We came back to my grandparents' house and since I'm going tomorrow morning, I started tasting bits of food that I hadn't let myself eat all week. So I ended up having 3 heaped teaspoons of Nutella and a big chunk of Caprice des Dieux. Now I am riddled with guilt and tomorrow will have to be a fast day. Thank goodness I'm going home where there's way less temptation around the house.

That Nutella was delicious though...

What have I done???? That's two days now in a row now... Not feeling too good about myself.

The Perils of Pigging

My diet has been a bit all over the place recently.
Some friends of the family came to dinner on Tuesday night - we had sushi, a lot of wine, and salad. It came to 1641 calories. Not too bad really. But I may have miscalculated the wine as I wasn't exactly measuring my glasses.

Yesterday was the funeral. Although it was supposed to be a fast day, I felt sick and weak before going to the church so I had a bit of bread with some camembert cheese.
We then had people back to the house for the lunch and I didn't eat much but I did have about 5 mini slices of quiche. However, once we were on our own again last night, we all threw ourselves on the leftovers and devoured everything. I ate a LOT of bread and cheese, pate, and I even had Nutella! So much for the fast.

Today is a fast day so, but we've to go for dinner at a friend's house tonight. I'm going to not drink though and whatever she serves, I'll try to avoid the carbohydrates.

Tomorrow I return to Ireland. As I said before, I'll be travelling alone which always leads to me eating but I'm going much earlier than I thought so I'll resist and eat normally once I get home.

It's funny but I've noticed now that every day where I've eaten a lot in the last week - Sunday and yesterday - has been followed by a day of feeling sick and hungry the next day.

I mean, as I type now, my stomach is rumbling and I feel like I'm starving. Even though I've had lots of water. When I do a fast day, I normally extend it to lunchtime of the next day, so I am able to go quite a while without food now and feel fine. However, I wonder if eating heavily is the reason I feel so hungry now. My insides working overtime to get rid of the food. If there's any truth in that, it just shows how over-eating every day becomes a vicious cycle. I'd devour some bread now if I could - whereas normally I really don't feel a need for anything.
It's also slightly worrying me how I slipped so easily back into eating rubbish yesterday. For the last three weeks I've been careful on feast days but yesterday... I had about four slices of bread with pate alone. That's not counting the other three slices with cheese or the roll I had with Nutella...

I'm not going to beat myself up over it though. It was exceptional circumstances and I'll get back into the swing of things tomorrow. Going out for a friend's 30th on Saturday - I'll have to consume any alcohol before midnight. Or do I count a day as ending when I go to bed? Because that could easily be halfway through Sunday...

I Should Live in a Hot Climate

Catch-up of the last couple of days.

On Sunday, I fasted till half six or so, when the Americans arrived, and then ate, like I had planned. It was nice, I had nibbles, dinner and a bit of dessert but no cheese. I enjoyed it but I must say, I felt SO sick and full driving home. Actually felt unwell. So, pigging out has lost a bit of its appeal.

I got up at 4 yesterday  morning to go to the airport. I felt strangely hungover, as if I had been drinking all night. It was a fasting day and I think it was my hardest one to date. I really wanted to eat at the airport and I ALWAYS want to eat on the plane. But, I resisted and didn't eat until dinner time, when I just had lettuce, tuna, cucumber and a bit of béarnaise sauce. I also had a fifth of a chicken breast with some spinach in an attempt to up my iron a bit. Including semi-skimmed milk in various cups of coffee, I had about 530 calories. It's tougher to measure in France because the My Fitness Pal app won't pick up most of the French barcodes when I scan them and a lot of the measurements are given in cup sizes, which we don't do here.

Today is a feast day but it's so warm and heavy that I'm still eating lightly. It's 27 degrees Celcius and very thundery and heavy. We had a massive thunderstorm yesterday but it hasn't cleared the air and more are forecast for today and tomorrow. So I had a cup of coffee for my breakfast, more tuna, lettuce and cucumber for my lunch, and a bit of spinach with a mushroom and fromage frais salad. But then as a treat I had a small chunk of brie. For dinner I'm going to have MORE tuna and lettuce with cucumber and green beans but I'm also going to have something nice. Maybe some chocolate or some more cheese. I'll see how I feel.

The funeral is tomorrow, which is supposed to be a fast day. I'll try my best but there will be a lunch back at the house for close friends which might be hard to resist. However, it being France, and summer, a lunch is consisting of a buffet of salads and fruit. The hardest thing to resist will be the mandatory cheese plate but I'm fairly confident that I'll be able to do without. I can always tell myself that I just have to wait till Thursday.

Must say that I'm looking forward to all this being over. My grandfather died leaving no life insurance or savings so the funeral costs are becoming a huge strain on my mother who is having to spend money she doesn't have and that she owes elsewhere. I don't have any spare money either, what with paying rent and having to buy the ticket to get here so I can't help, which is frustrating.

So if anyone reads this and is feeling religious - a little prayer wouldn't go astray.

Time to Eat

Ugh, what a horrible couple of days.
An American branch of the Georgian Society is coming to see our house tonight. It's an old family house, built in the 1700s so it's of interest to them. However, there are ten of them coming, and we're supposed to give them dinner. My mum was in charge of all that but now she's gone to France to be with my grandmother so I'm doing it.
So I spent all yesterday cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms, peeling 40 potatoes, chopping about 20 red peppers and doing the shopping. In addition to that, my dad realised that his passport is out of date, and he's booked to fly to Paris for the funeral on Wednesday. So there was huge panic and worry there, because my mum would be so upset if he didn't come. I think we got it sorted, but being the weekend, we won't know for sure until Monday morning. I really hope it works out - he HAS to come.

As a result of all that, even though it was supposed to be a feast day, I didn't eat, apart from two Weetabix with fat-free milk for breakfast, and John made me a salad with 3 slices of ham, 50 grms of smoked salmon, one hard-boiled egg, a green pepper, lettuce, a tomato and about 20 grms of low-fat mayonnaise. So my total calorie consumption for the day was 592. Essentially another fast day.

So, I'm taking today as a feast day instead. I will also be at the dinner for the Americans so I'm going to eat to my heart's content. In an effort to keep control of myself, I'm going to fast until dinner - instead of treating today as a pigging out day. But I will help myself to whatever I like tonight.
To start with, we're having nibbles - my sister and I will make guacamole, hummus and smoked mackerel pate. We also have some crisps, focaccia bread that we'll tear into strips, carrot and cucumber sticks, and... I think that's it.  Needless to say, I love every single one of those things, and there is nothing I love more than nibbles. So, for the first time in two and a half weeks, I'm not going to even count calories and I'll have a thoroughly enjoyable feast day.

Dinner will be mashed potatoes, with ratatouille and baked salmon, served with a mustard and cream sauce. Not too bad really. Dessert will be courtesy of my sister - a chocolate tart and a baked lemon cheesecake. Neither of which are at the top of my dessert preference so considering I'll probably be full anyway, I won't have any of them.

Right - it's half ten and they're coming at half six tonight. I'd better get ready and drive down. Busy day ahead!

Upheaval

So yesterday was a feast day again. To try to up my calories a bit on feast days, and to feel like I was treating myself, I had some breakfast - two Weetabix and 200mls of fat-free milk. 216 calories only!

Since breakfast was so low, and since John was at work, I decided to go all out and have one of my favourite meals. Pasta, pesto and cheese. As a nod to eating healthily, I had 150 grms of wholegrain noodles instead of pasta - similar taste and lower in calories. I had 24 grms of pesto and TWO servings of low-fat cheddar - 60 grms. It came to - 629 calories only!

So for dinner I made my fish-pie - smoked Coley, prawns, white sauce made with cornflour, butter and vegetable stock, TONS of vegetables, and mashed potato made with fat-free milk and butter. I weighed everything, thinking that it would be nice to know the calories, even though I figured it would be high and I didn't care - it came to 347 calories. It's unbelievable. 1192 calories for the whole day. Way under what I should be at on a normal day - dieting aside. It just shows - some careful substitutions and portion control is a huge part of losing weight.
However, I am still going to carry on with the ADF as I actually enjoy fasting and I want the option to pig out to be there.

I woke up this morning to hear that my grandfather had died in the night. He was 88 and lovely. I got on really well with him - he had a great sense of humour. So that was upsetting.
Since my grandparents are French, we spent the day running around booking flights to Paris and getting things sorted. Which was good - kept me busy and mind off my stomach amongst other things. I just had a bowl of soup with some soda bread for lunch. With milk in coffee, my day came to 505 calories.

The next week will be a bit iffy I'd say. I'm flying out on Monday and returning on Friday. I would imagine that there'll be a lot of sitting around and eating with various relations. On Monday, I fly out with my sister but on Friday I'm returning to Ireland alone. Travelling alone is one of my worst times for pigging out. However, it will be a feast day so maybe I'll let loose. I'll see.  (To the consternation of John who just read that over my shoulder… :) )

Anyway, to make things a little better, I had lost another kilo this morning. At last. I was a bit discouraged yesterday, because I hadn't lost any weight in a good few days. However, thinking about it, I only started dieting at all two weeks ago yesterday. So I've lost nine kilos in 15 days.
Pretty happy overall!

I must say though, I'm dreading going to France. Apart from the obvious upset of the situation at hand, all my cousins will be there - and they're all so tanned and slim and petite. And then there's me - towering over everyone, pasty white, and waddly. Life is so unfair!

Subliminal

I feel so good these last couple of weeks. It makes such a lovely change from feeling guilty, fat and full. Now I feel fat but thinner and my self-confidence has sky-rocketed. Even though I'm still about six stone overweight, the knowledge that I have lost weight and am on a good, sturdy path has made me feel so much better about myself.

Today was another fast day and I survived it easily. About four o'clock I was feeling a little weak and shaky so I had a coffee with a bit of fat-free milk and I was fine. Again, keeping busy is really the best - if I'm sitting at home my mind does tend to think about my empty stomach a lot. But I worked in the morning, did a few messages, and had to go to the doctor for a prescription, so I was kept going.

For my dinner, I was feeling tired, so I bought John and I two soups in a carton. Not the best, I know, in terms of nutrients, but I just didn't feel like cooking and I really had a taste for some soup with a fresh roll. I've stopped putting butter on my roll too - I find that since I dunk it in the soup anyway it doesn't really need it.
Anyway, that came to about 350 calories for the day, including the milk in my coffee. I might have an orange or something to bring it up a bit more and to have something nutritious!

I know I keep going on about "My Fitness Pal" app but it really is great. I can keep an eye on the main nutrients and see how my intake is. My iron and Vitamin A are always low - I need to see about upping them.

Feast day again tomorrow - I don't know myself I'm so spoilt with feast days. Every single other diet I've ever done has made me feel limited and restricted. With this one, every other day is nearly exciting, as I plan what I want to eat. And yet it's so free that the lure of the forbidden is gone and I actually eat quite well. Mental games!

I haven't lost any weight in a couple of days - I know I should only be checking once a week but it's too tempting to see if I've gone down anymore. Hope I see a change again soon.
My jeans are so much looser though that I can now take them off without opening the button. Now that's progress!